I have no idea why, but it appears to me that the world does not like me. I feel an element of hate and animosity, and I know it is directed at me, because nobody is talking to me! Nobody wants to interact with me, and it is the world that I’m talking about, not you as individuals, I’m talking about ‘you collectively’, as ‘the world’. The world refuses to interact with me, just take a look at any of my other online accounts, the creative spark is there, but nobody wants to engage it, and interact with it. It is a very lonely place for me, this place called the internet. And it is just as lonely in the physical world, but that isolation I can take, I am accustomed to. I am not accustomed to the isolation, where I pour my creative heart and soul out onto, which is the internet (at least not yet). Perhaps it’s the dark forces of matter, which controls and manipulates this world, like a puppet on a string. The energy which flows through my body, the world does not like, because it’s like a flickering candle, which burns bright within a cavern of pitch blackness, and it can sense that, like the radio waves emanating from an antennae, and so it fears, or hates me for the energy which radiates from my body, which, if ever known to the world, would show them a ‘truth’ that would expose it for what it truly is . . . . a facade, an illusion, a lie. That radiating energy must be beautiful, because I know that this world is very ugly. I don’t belong to this world, because nobody seems to embrace what I do, the world does not acknowledge anything I create, as if the work that I do was merely meant to be neglected and ignored . . . So that tells me only one thing, that I must belong somewhere else, on some other planet, or in some other parallel dimension, but not here, and not with you, because out of ignorance you do not deserve to read what I say, or see what I do. But out of love, I do it anyway. If there is no other world out their that would acknowledge what I do, as if I were born as one of you, on this world, then I must not belong anywhere. It’s as if this entire life was just some sick joke, that was put on me a long time ago, that I’m just now starting to get . . . a very sick joke indeed. When my time is up, I will be owed an explanation for this, I am sure. If I’m not given one, I will demand one, then, I’ll refuse to come back to this world, until the people on it have radically changed . . . Perhaps the explanation is this; I chose to come down here and expose myself to you, even though I knew you would neglect me, and when I die, I will remember that I made an agreement to undergo this experience, and this isolation and loneliness. After I was born that memory must have vanished. If that is the case, then I will never be the same. My energy will be forever transformed after it leaves this body, and I am sure that my soul will remain in the same shape as this physical body for quite some time, that’s how we see ghosts sometimes. Those apparitions that have failed to come to terms with how their physical life here on Earth may have ended, or may have gone over the course of their lifetime, and their physical bodies, leave an ‘imprint’ on their energy, leaving their energy to be in the same likeness as their former bodies in which they once inhabited. Of course! That is exactly what will happen to me! This life has left such a impact on my energy, that it will be very difficult to shake off that energy, or that ‘frequency’ of this physical body, after I die! I am just very sad, that I will never get to truly ‘know’ myself, I will only know this body, and that to me is sad, because as long as I only know this body, I will never be truly at peace. I will never be truly happy, because of the way my life has gone. I must have chose to undergo this experience, of interacting with, or at least trying to interact with society and the entire world, and I was already expecting this before I was even born. I know everything that transpires in the world is suppose to transpire, we are suppose to be successful, and we are suppose to fail. We are suppose to be healthy, and we are suppose to fill our bodies with chemicals and drugs. Good is suppose to exist and so is evil. So if you die of alcoholism, you were suppose to undergo that, and you did nothing wrong, you just became wiser after death, and not before it. You could have made things better buy quitting earlier in life, but God has many faces, and many avenues of enlightenment in which you can choose to undergo. Both life and death are two different facets of enlightenment, but they are of the same God. When the flood of senses which bombarded me after my birth caused me to forget my true self, I began to travel down a certain path of enlightenment, and if I had still remembered everything I underwent beforehand, this path of enlightenment I’m on now would’ve been of no use to me, and no value. This path of enlightenment, which is my own unique path, required that I have no knowledge of what transpired before I was born, but for me, I think that is beginning to change! The concept of spiritual amnesia applies to most of us, we’re not suppose to know what transpired before we were born, if we did, there would be no reason for any of us to be here . . . . But still, If only I knew what transpired before I was born, I would finally be a peace with myself, and the rest of the world! If I never understand what transpired before I was born, I will die a very bitter person, because as long as I have no recollection of what caused me to undergo what I’m experiencing now, I will refuse to come back as anybody else, because it has hurt that much. I think I am ready to remember who I truly am now, because I need to know, in order to be at peace in this current life. I am asking God right now, to give me that knowledge back! This path of enlightenment is no longer working for me, because just the thought of being anyone else makes me cringe with bitterness. Now, I need to know why I’ve undergone this experience, before I undergo another one, while I am alive. Otherwise, after I die I will be kicking down the gates of heaven, and cursing at God for creating such a wicked world!
It seems you’re already beginning to show me things I was not completely aware of, before I wrote this post. You have already shown me that part of my unhappiness stems from the fact that my face and mind was altered for the worse, when my adoptive parents gave me braces when I was twelve, and that ever since, I have had to deal with the wrath of others judgments upon me because I did not look like my true self all along, the way you created me when I was born. And through your loving grace you have brought this to my attention and provided a way for me to deal with this, and to undo the damage they did! Now, after I die, my energy will be altered for the better because of this . . . I can still vaguely remember my own birth, I was crying uncontrollably, and had the strangest feeling, as if I had just fallen from a very great height, into my own body. And after I had fallen into my body, I felt anchored to the Earth, as if I could no longer fly, and I began forgetting myself, and what I was. The more I forgot, the further into darkness and pain I would go, to abandon that spiritual cocoon from which I came. I was trying to gain control over my own body, which felt foreign and apart from who and what I was.
October, 23 2014